the candydoll files.
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Future Little Miss Green Archer
I hate to sound bitter and all but I finally decided to go to La Salle for my freshman year. DLSU is not at all my dream school; Ateneo is. It sounds disheartening to accept the fact I'm not going to ADMU anymore. When my name didn't appear in the online search database, I was stunned to weep. My dad came home for my birthday and we checked out the result together. It is too surreal to think about it one more time.

Call me retarded, a no-brainer or whatever you want but at least I have a school already.

It sickens me up until now to read my batchmates' tweets and statuses saying they've passed (or got waitlisted) in Ateneo. I'm happy for them that they've made it but thinking about my failure tightens my stomach into pretty little ribbons. The words kept on repeating in my mind: You are not intelligent enough to go to Ateneo! Settle for La Salle instead. I wanted to jump off the cliff and die when I learned of my rejection. I'm extremely jealous of the people who passed or got waitlisted. I was thinking that they'll be the most successful people in the country because of their school.

Which was supposed to be my school.

I wanted to curse in this blog entry but since I'm keeping this wholesome, I decided not to. I'll just shave off the swearing to myself. I already have a FML story in mind:

"Today the ACET results came out. I prayed for five months telling God to give me an opportunity to study in Ateneo. Unfortunately, I didn't make it while everyone in school did. Now I have to go to another school. FML."

Why did God said NO to my prayer? It's not fair. Some of the passers effortlessly made it to the school of their choice. I am more deserving to be a Blue Eagle  than some of the people who passed this "grueling" exam. In my personal experience, I answered all of the questions and prettified my essay. Still, God shook his head depicting rejection. Why is He mean to me? I thought He has better plans for me that's why I didn't get the UPCAT success. Now He said NO to me when I begged Him to let me go to a Top 2 school, my dream school. For now, I have to settle to a university nearer to home. La Salle is a good school but I want to go to Ateneo because according to many students it's the best outlet for aspiring communication students. I have a reason why I am jealous of the people who passed ACET. First of all, their classmates and teachers will congratulate them and regard them as "intelligent". I didn't get that distinction when I passed DLSU. Everyone was like "Um, okay" when they learned I made it. Second, ADMU is a Top 2 school. Not all can be admitted there. And third, all graduates of Ateneo turned out to be world-class, successful and phenomenal in their respective careers. I haven't heard of an ADMU graduate who didn't get a job nor failed in life.

I thought of making an appeal; it might work if I get lucky. But a lot of people suggested that I should go to Taft instead. Right now, I am very demotivated to pump up for graduation considering my failure. Buti pa lahat ng ka-batch ko pumasa sa ACET. It's not that I have anything against La Salle but I really want to prove to everyone that I am not mentally challenged nor unintelligent. Mom wrote in her e-mail to me upon learning I won't be an Iska nor a Blue Eagle:

"Don't ever question God, okay? He has better plans for you! He wants you to succeed and be happy with the school you'll be in."

My aunt didn't pass DLSU (her dream school) when she was my age so she studied at College of the Holy Spirit. I cannot imagine what life would have been had she not decided to go there. I guess I wouldn't be born by now because in that very school, she met my mom who would marry her (auntie's) brother who would be my dad. Several years later, my aunt began teaching at DLSU Dasmarinas. She told me that she didn't have any regrets studying at Holy Spirit. It was a tremendous road to her success. She may not have the chance to study in DLSU back in college but she was given the honor to teach Lasallians in her adulthood. 

For all the seniors who are reading this, my piece of advice: there is more to life than passing your dream school. There are better plans why you didn't get in your first choice. Who knows, you might get the highest grades, meet your friends for life or even meet your future wife / husband. There is always in store for you. Think about it.

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Posted on Sunday, January 16, 2011 at 9:37 PM.