the candydoll files.
i've moved to tumblr and you can visit me there if you still want a piece of me.
You’re the type of girl that texts all day and talks all night
I have no classes today. Usually when school's out, I'm not in the blogging mood. However today, I have this overwhelming feeling of typing about my random thoughts. Forgive me if I labeled this after my current LSS / favorite NeverShoutNever song. I've been thinking about two things: the quote "be careful what you wish for" and my entrance exam results.

I shall begin with the quote. I've been reading Alexandra Potter's book of the same title for two consecutive days now and I'm enjoying it. At some points I wished for a heather to be my answer to all of my problems just like the main character of the story. After receiving a heather from a gypsy, suddenly her bad hair days stop and she gets all of her wishes. But I'm not at the climax of the book yet since I'm halfway through the story. So far, it's worth the read. 

If Heather Hamilton made a lot of wishes and all of them came true, then how about me? Let me tell you some of my wishes:
  • I wish to be skinny.
  • I wish to be a millionaire who never ran out of cash.
  • I wish I'm living in a very posh mansion at the elite villages of Manila.
  • I wish my height is 5'4" (I stand at approximately 5'1" 1/2 - 5'2" JSYK).
  • I wish to ditch my glasses forever and ever.
  • I wish I was a natural-born brain who doesn't need studying to get excellent grades in school.
  • I wish I'm friends with the populars and Queen Bees.
  • I wish I'm a teen celebrity so I could have 100,000+ Facebook fans and Twitter followers.
  • I wish all the people I'm following on Tumblr and Twitter will follow me back.
  • I wish everyone in the world will say "You're so pretty!" to me.
  • I wish no one will bully / ridicule me anymore.
  • I wish everyone likes me (translation: I wish I have no haters like the others).
Judging what you've read above, I desperately need a genie lamp. I'm the total opposite of all these things. A lot of girls my age have the same wishes as mine. Theirs is a little bit more superficial and cliche: be fashion models, marry Justin Bieber, have a walking closet with all designer clothes and be hailed as the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, I want to be beautiful not because I want to be worldwide famous but for the sake of boosting my self-esteem. No, I won't marry a celebrity but an ordinary guy who has God-given qualities and oozing charisma would be perfectly fine. And fashion model? Not everyone in the world is destined to be one. 

Why I wished for everyone to follow me back on Twitter? I know a lot of schoolmates who get followed back by every girl on campus who has an account. I'm following a dozen schoolmates and only half of them are following me back (particularly close batchmates). Jeez, I guess I'm not that popular enough to have bees in my microblogging honey. On Tumblr, I don't know if "the blog who gets followed back by everyone" is existent. Probably not. I think I'm exaggerating at this thought. I bet Fashion Fever (a really great Tumblr dedicated to fashion) is following blogs but not all of them are returning the favor. You'll be the judge to this.

I longed to be a teen star not in Hollywood but here in my very own country. Back when I was 9, I hated programs featuring kids because I desperately wanted to be a child star. But as I grew up, I learned to enjoy watching little tykes on TV and movies because I'm not in their league anymore. I don't envy the girls my age who appear on foreign TV shows and movies because they don't look anything like me. (sarcastic laugh) But here in the Philippines, sigh. I imagine the Pinoy teen stars who are all over TV these days: skyrocketing ratings of their drama soaps and youth-oriented shows, interviews in the hottest gossip TV programs, having a über-cute guy as their loveteam partner, always on the cover of Candy Magazine and everyone gushes how beautiful you are. All the things absent in an ordinary girl like me. But in several articles I've read, there's always the disadvantages of being one. Number one, the paparazzi hurls their cameras on every little thing you do. Number two, the moment you do something dirty you get bashed by tabloids and fans turn back on you. Number three and most importantly, you have to be highly conscious of your looks and look young to be eye-catching. Maybe there's still a lot of reasons why I should be happy I'm not a celebrity.

I personally don't know anyone who doesn't have haters. Whoever that person is, I shall give him/her an award for "Universally Loved Person". But I guess he/she doesn't exist. Whether it's Formspring or face-to-face, there's always someone who'll put me down and insult every little thing that defines me. I hate the fact there are people who compare me to others only because I don't fit their standards. Plus, there are those who'll say "I hate you" on the Internet and appear as anonymous. Ten years later, when I'm on the top of the success ladder, I'll face each one of them and say, "Look at what you did. You laughed at me and doubted my abilities when I was a nobody. Now I'm a somebody, what happened to your pettiness? Did it made you better persons?" Lesson of the story: put down someone and you'll feel the bad karma one day. You cannot please everybody. One more thing: each one of us has been called "ugly" at least once in his/her lifetime. It isn't worth the wish of swapping faces with a pretty girl / handsome guy because even so there'll be still people who'll speak out their envy and insecurity against you. Most of all, there will always be prettier and uglier people than you. It's okay to be insecure but remember that it doesn't last forever and don't use that reason to put down others.

I've had enough with the "be careful what you wish for" thing. I'll talk about the upcoming entrance exam results. I took the Big 4 exams: UP, UST, ADMU and DLSU. I am very about this. I don't want to fail in any of these exams especially UP and ADMU because these two are my priority schools. I pray to God every night telling him to give me a chance to study in these two schools because I believe I have a bright future ahead of me and it would be a place for me to pursue my communication studies. It hurts to hear a lot of doubts by some schoolmates. One said, "How will you pass Ateneo and UP if your grades aren't as great as the outstanding students'? You're sure to pass nothing!" Ironically for her, it's either UP, UST or nothing. Best of luck to the person who said this. I've read several stories that the average students passed ACET and UPCAT while the expected sure-passers aka the honor roll students didn't manage to qualify. So to all of the people who said I'll fail all of my entrance exams: grades won't measure your intelligence. A lot of non-honor roll / average students did the impossible of being admitted to the top 2 universities of the country. Don't judge a person by his/her academic performance. Who knows, the lowest-ranked person in the batch might pass Big 4. Not kidding about this because it happens in real-life. Like the wise men always say, nothing is impossible. God blesses the people who are being rejected / doubted and punishes those who exalt themselves and put down others.

[NeverShoutNever]

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Posted on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 at 4:48 PM.